Tramp Chronicles: Ponderance

Albert needed to get shit in perspective so he stopped off at a nearby crack house. As he exhaled from a draw of his pipe he looked at all of the curled up bodies with cracked out faces lying on the vomit stained carpet. It occurred to him that the Irish tramp could be a weird manifestation of a guilt ridden lifestyle brought to life by consuming copious amounts of crack. He dismissed this thought however, for two reasons.

Firstly the fact that he was able to rationalise these thoughts in his head (whilst smoking crack) told him that he was still in control. Crack had never affected Albert like a normal person, consequently Albert was able to smoke crack like most people smoked weed. He used it to chill out and reflect upon the days events. No doubt this was due to his superhuman tramp capabilities. Some would say that crack robbed a person of their soul, but Albert lost his a long time ago.
Secondly guilt was a term that Albert had to look up in the dictionary from time to time in order to get a grasp on exactly what this emotion was meant to be. Albert was remorseless and therefore never regretted his actions unless they had unfavourable consequences for him.
It was a surprisingly cold day but there was a hint of optimism in the air inspired by the persistence of sunshine. It was just the sort of day that Albert loved not for the obvious reasons but for the fact that it should be a good days tramping. Wheel chair guy was one of Albert’s top earners and should do well on a day like this. Wheel chair guy was that tramp that you couldn’t help but look at (If you did try and ignore him there was a high probability that his wheelchair would fuck you over somehow) and looking pitiful was his ‘thing’.

It was breakfast time so Albert went to the Corner shop and bought two cans of special brew (one for lunch) and returned home. When he arrived Trevor was outside with Albert’s girlfriend both of them screaming ‘Alberrrrrt’ a great deal louder than necessary.
Albert gripped his girl’s entire arse in one hand (one of the many benefits of beating a skinny crack fiend) whilst looking directly at Trev. Albert then poured some of his special brew onto the girl’s forehead and proceeded to lick it off her face. Although Albert was a grimy guy, this behaviour was done purely to make Trev jealous as he knew that Trev had always liked this girl. In fact that was Albert’s sole motivation for turning her into a crack head and making her his bitch.

The three of them went into the block, climbed the pissy stairwell and entered Albert’s flat. The door was open as per usual, no one would dare thief from him, not only because he was top tramp in the bits, but the smell seeping out into the hallway was rancid.

Albert awaited wheel chair guy’s arrival.